People generally go through life trying to find some sort of genuineness, authenticity, something real in this culture of artifice and contrived fakery. It’s somewhat ironic that I on a daily basis, very literally search for what is real in suffering from depersonalization.
From an early age, when afflicted with an illness or injury, I very quickly realized the everyday normal functioning that I had taken for granted. For example, if a foot was injured I’d realize how I had taken walking for granted.
The same holds true now. I realize how I took being awake, being conscious for granted — just being comfortable in my own skin sitting absently behind a table with no anxiety. In that context, illness or injury bestows a since of gratitude.
It’s sad that these circumstances are what it takes most times to realize how good one has it. At any rate, I’m glad I made the realization. I’d like to say if I beat this illness that I’d never take being conscious for granted ever again, but realistically that’s probably a pipe dream. Maybe in some sense that is the point.
Humans are generally fickle people. I would like to count it as a lesson learned, but lessons are hard learned. However, I can at least confide in the fact that through future afflictions I will once again be made aware of the things I took for granted.