The Qualia of Love

When we talk about love and forming unions, the meat of the matter that we’re talking about is identity, namely collective identity. Two people with two separate identities fall in love with each other. By way of falling in love, each person internalizes the other, and thus the two separate identities unionize into a collective whole.

What this boils down to is an internalized needing/longing of the other person. In an ideal scenario this process of internalization is symbiotic, where each person is equally internalized by the other, and therefore, both persons have an equal need of each other. That is to say they have formed a collective, unionized identity, where each one carries the other from within.

However, in the less idealistic world the unions we form are not equal. That is, a lover may internalize the beloved to the extent that his own identity has become entwined with the beloved, and yet this is not the case for the beloved to the lover. Perhaps this is where some fundamental problems occur in most relationships, as one hasn’t established that essential union. Inevitably, the relationship will end.

And here the question will arise, are we now presented with an identity crises? The answer is no because the collective identity is still retained within the lover. That is to say at base the lover still carries within him the beloved.

This is admittedly a thoroughly poignant fact. How sad it is that he now harbors within himself the very embodiment and qualia of his former love object, even perhaps until his death. The next stage of development for him, now, is to come to terms with this.

But how will he do so? How could acceptance – how could amor fati be adopted? In what manner would the autonomous man navigate to relinquish his suffering?

The sentiment I want to leave you with is, after the person you love most has left, then what now?


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